My Healing talents were born from the growing pains of childhood and youth. Day by day I built a ‘core of wellness’, for the transformation of pain and suffering into that elusive spark of Bliss. It is my passion to share teachings and learning, ancient and modern, that I know can deliver great results. I really hope that you will learn and use my grass-roots Holistic4Health Naturopathy to heal yourself – and you’ll go way beyond where I am now.
How the story began…
The story began in the mid 1900s. Mummy, Daddy, family and friends were delighted with Little Gay, (my nickname) – a pretty, healthy looking child, dancing, singing and baking cakes. They had no idea that despite loving parents and extended family, inside that sweet exterior I was trapped in a little girl’s hell. I struggled to be good and do good; living was sheer will-power. Why were things set up this way? Why did pain and suffering exist? It wasn’t an idle quest, I was desperate to know, and painstakingly I learned how to transform hell into heaven through using my own insight and intelligence – eventually facing fear and pain head-on.
(Now, in a client Consultation, an unnameable sensation arises around us……. I feel the tears roll down my cheeks – it is blissful yet humbling for me, and surprising for people, until I explain …).
Being a post-war “baby boomer” –means I was born at a time when medical drugs were still the wonder of the world. My pregnant mother was prescribed the teratogenic drug* (*Of, relating to, or causing malformations of an embryo or a foetus) known as DES (diethylstilbestrol). It was a long, exhausting birth for both of us. Afterwards, although jaundiced, I seemed to be OK, and they all said I was a very ‘good’ baby – no wonder, I didn’t have the strength to make a fuss! I am clear that this drug affected my development in the womb, and left me toxic, with (undiagnosed) liver impairment, weak vision, and digestion all over the place…….
I was just 6 months old when my young grandma died, and mother’s idyllic existence with me ended abruptly. In her grief she no longer breast fed me, and instead gave me the standard baby diet of cow’s milk, sugar-laden Farleys Rusks, and other baby food. I was never well, dosed with infant aspirin, cough syrup, ‘milk of magnesia,’ antibiotics and calamine lotion smothering my sensitive skin. (Now known to have contained unsafe levels of mercury).
It was the late 1940s. Grief, fear and Death were rampant.
Although the war was over, family friends and neighbours still lived in the emotionally traumatic aftermath. Growing up in our middle class semi, I remember playing in bombed out factories and building sites near our home. Mummy was out wor king all hours, Daddy travelled away a lot of the time, and they seemed to be arguing. A young woman who had been tragically orphaned in the war as a child, came to stay with us to help Mummy. We called her our Nanny. She truly loved us and picked up the pieces as much as she could, but she couldn’t replace our Mummy: -nothing like! But when she got married and left to have her own family I felt as if the bottom had fallen out of my world. Her love and care had sustained me.
The stage was set
Physical and emotional problems flourished. “Bilious attacks”- stomach upsets, nightmares, ear infections, headaches and migraines blighted my life. Impossible to enjoy the usual childhood fun: what was going wrong?
So many childhood days were spent languishing in a cool, darkened room, suffering from nausea and migraine, away from family friends and school. I was often too sick to eat, highly sensitive to smell, sound, temperature and movement. I felt so frightened being out in the countryside and even by the sea where my parents thought that surely I would feel better; – but for me it was all too wild, too raw, too dangerous. Suppose I began to feel ill, where would I lie down, where could I escape from light, where could I be sick?….. I can see why people said that I was just a comfort-seeking scaredy cat.
When I felt well, and back in life, it was exciting, exhilarating, yet I was an outsider looking in, having missed so much that others had experienced.
But it was not all bad. During those tedious dark days, something grew in me. I got closer to my own truth, and could feel and sense the truth of others; – a certain kind of gift began to unfold. A gift that would set me apart from others my own age, and get me the nickname “Grandma”.
While others were playing and having fun, I saw through the hollow, superficial appearances and ‘acts’ that adults put on. I felt their unexpressed pain, needs and drives, their anger, sadness and fear, their jealousy. I saw suffering from duty and the needs of others, grief and longings. I heard their unspoken pleas to be allowed to live their own truth. I desperately wanted to share my insights to help people to be happy and free. I had to live with the frustration of knowing and feeling, but remaining silent, for many more years.
Little Gay is now “Gabi,” a teenage mass of upsets, fatigue and pain. My digestion was a mess, I had irresistible cravings for sweet and starchy food, and I could not bear the taste of ordinary water or raw vegetables. Whenever faced with a challenge, painful swelling and inflammation would attack my gums making it hard to speak or eat; boils, chilblains, cold sores and mouth ulcers plagued me. Migraine headaches controlled me for 20 days a month. Areas of my body that were not in pain were numb, and although desperate to be loved and held, I could not bear the sensation of being touched. Worse still, being ‘holier than thou’, intolerant of others and especially myself, I dragged around, miserable, depressed and lonely! How could I help anyone?
Finding nothing medically wrong with me, (‘its psychosomatic’) doctors prescribed pain killing drugs. Having no alternative I took them, but soon realised that rather than relieving my suffering, these migraine pills and ‘innocuous’ over the counter medications just prolonged it, and left me weak and foggy, until the next bout claimed me. Unable to accept any more help from conventional medicine, I knew that I would have to find my own solutions, through learning and books.
How I fixed it
Fascinated by my insights and agog to find answers to what moves and motivates people realised that studying was one thing I could succeed at on ‘good’ days. I got my BA Hons degree in Sociology and Anthropology, my postgrad in Adult Education. I eventually qualified in many branches of Self Work and Alternative Medicine including Nutritional Therapy, Spiritual Healing, Massage, Bodywork, Lifestyle Coaching, Tai Chi and uniting it all – Naturopathy. These were each courses of between 1 year and 7 years. I do have a lot of certificates on my clinic wall from a lifetime of learning!
Still not completely happy with my own state of health and feeling isolated and lonely, I turned to counsellors and psychotherapists. They tried, sitting in a room talking, (but skirting around the ‘hidden nasty stuff,’) to loosen the baggage that I sensed was making my life such hell. I felt much worse! I was tired of going round and round the outside; I needed to get to the core of it. And get to the core I did!!
Acupuncture, herbal medicine, osteopathy, homeopathy – all gave some temporary relief. Holistic dentistry stopped me swallowing the poison lodged in my own mouth, detoxification, fasting and colonic hydrotherapy uplifted my energy, and my Spiritual and meditation teacher, Osho loved me and inspired me to open and be happy.
My first taste of feeling physically great came through Naturopathy – cleansing detoxifications, Nutritional Therapy, Emotional Release helped by Dr Shyam Singha, and by James Sangeetam Holland, Tai Chi Master, Bodywork Therapist and Integral Healer.
Meditating into my inner body, feeling it all in the present moment empowered me to face and take ownership of my state, face my physical and emotional pain and transform it all: – Oh this BLISS! – looking down through crystal clear sky from a mountain top, witnessing, no longer in the deep well of gloom!
Those results inspired me to envision what I had never dared to hope for; that this woman could create an enjoyable and fulfilled life. But how?
Was it my passionate search that miraculously led me on my 12 year adventure? Or was it pure serendipity?
One day I was teaching reluctant teenage youths at in east London, the next I was learning meditation and spirituality at the feet of the modern mystic Osho, in India. This was a controversial initiative to bridge the spirituality of East and West, and it was at the leading edge of personal and spiritual developmental research. Osho called it a ‘Mystery School’. All I knew was here was my playground to practice my witnessing awareness meditation (also called mindfulness) through hours of physical work, challenge and fun, day and night.
What an honour to be in India with my very own teacher!
The solution I am sharing is that through all the dreary, dark days, the tears, laughter and bliss, this hard won knowledge has stood the test of time. Deep within pain and suffering I have gradually found my own golden nuggets, incredible portals to health and happiness.
After my intellectual efforts to edit his books, and my near-death experience through liver disease, to be given the public toilets throughout the ashram to clean as my “Work” – ie meditation practice!
My mantra was ‘YES’. This magic word was my initiation into clarity, spaciousness and pleasure. I learned how to enjoy being conscious in this present moment – the Now.
At last I was being ME in my own movie! And yet could it be possible? I was still suffering with migraine and digestive problems.
My passion is to make knowledge of these secrets available to everyone; I speak to you – if your life is a living hell, like mine was, and to you if you love your life and want to ensure a future that is hale and hearty, crowned with a Conscious Death.
Can this work for Me?
Most of my massage and nutrition clients came to me after being written off by conventional medicine and were resigned to living ‘lives of quiet desperation’.
Studying my clients over many years revealed some of the hidden factors driving that suffering, sickness and wastage – all approaches from drugs to therapy had failed, doctors’ best efforts were ineffective, WHY?
Emotions and mindset
Skeletons in the cupboard, secrets, fears and phobias, resentment and blame, anger, guilt, humiliation and shame, remorse and grief lay unaddressed, embedded (‘somatised’) inside tissues of the body, developing into stubborn health conditions like IBS, frozen shoulder, arthritis, migraine headaches, skin problems, chronic muscular pain, fibromyalgia and a whole raft of physical and social disabilities and mental health issues. The internal toxicity produced by these emotions takes time and energy to clear, delays healing and produces its own illnesses..
Dealt with that….
Incredibly, people who claimed that they had ‘done a lot of work’ on themselves were still full of pain and sickness from feelings they said they didn’t have any more - “I have already dealt with that” “I don’t go there”……….I just kept on saying “Don’t give up, there is something you can do”
Mahatma Ghandi said….”Be the Change you want to See”
Once I had learned how to change my own daily reality to BLISS, I created BLISS NATUROPATHY (now its called Holistic4Health) for people to access practical pathways to health and the magic of personal development.
Here are some of my favourite transformational methods
The spark that lights my fire is sharing the tools for natural health and spiritual peace on earth that have consistently benefited me over the years. My passion is to enable YOU (if you want to) to benefit from my journey whatever your time of life!
Relaxing and instant meditation,( I use my own ‘Instant Bliss’ MP3): Focussed healing intention on my inner body: Dance: Conscious Walking: Tai Chi and Qi Gong: Yoga: Enjoying whatever I might be eating: Visualisation: Sunshine and breathing: Fresh Air: Deep bodywork to unburden my toxic emotional baggage and give me a free flowing, strong body: Passion for my work: Love and compassion for myself: Feeling what is really going on in the moment: Releasing as I go along: Reminding myself to “Be Here Now!”
This is my way of helping to bring the planet and the human race into the present moment and out of doom and gloom!
- Postgraduate Diploma in Naturopathy (ND) – London College of Naturopathic Medicine and Health Science 1996
- BA Hons in Sociology and Anthropology, 1970 – University of Essex
- Certificate in [Adult] Education, 1971 – University of Manchester
- Diploma from the Institute for Optimum Nutrition (Dip ION) 1988
- Wellbeing Lifestyle Educator, Teacher training in Tai Chi and Chi Kung, and
- Integral Healing Bodywork, 1992 – Creative Interactions UK
- NFSH Spiritual Healing, 2005 – National Federation of Spiritual Healers
- Certificate in Counselling 1994 – The AMAP Organisaton
- ITEC, International Therapy Examination Council, Massage Practitioner 1988
- RSA: Royal Society of Medicine
- BCMA: British Complementary Medical Association
- FHIT: Fellowship of Integrated Holistic Therapists
- NFSH: National Federation of Spiritual Healers
- NNA: Naturopathic Nutrition Association